Have you ever felt like you needed a total reboot? I have come to realize that I am at that place at the moment. Somehow over the past few years I’ve gotten out of sync with myself. Tom and I have had some uninvited changes in our lives over this time period and I need to do a better job of taking care of things.
A lot of this has to do with Tom’s health. You may remember a couple of years ago he had a bad case of the flu. I wrote about it here. He has physically been a different person since then and seems to continue to get worse or at best no better. This had been over two years. Even though he tested positive for the flu at the time, the doctors now think he may have had one of the early cases of Covid. At that time, they did not even have Covid tests much less know much about treating it. He had recently been to a woodworking convention where he had contact with people from all over the U.S. increasing his chances of catching what we didn’t even know was going around at the time. They now think much of his current condition could be related to him being sick then and his previously existing health conditions have been made much worse because of it. Among other things, the neuropathy in his feet has advanced to the point that it is difficult for him to walk even with a cane. He also has neuropathy in his hands now which reduces his fine motor skills. Over this time I’ve worked hard at helping him to accept and deal with his physical changes but I only recently realized that I had not fully accepted all the changes and the many ways they have changed our lives. Of course, I have taken care of him and helped him in every possible way as well as taking care of everything around the house, yard, and such. But I have also fallen behind on many things that need to be done.
I don’t mean to sound
like I’m whining or complaining. I’m
just honestly sharing some situations that I’ve come to realize I need to get a
better handle on. Because of all this, I’ve decided I need to take a blog break for a while. I have not been doing the greatest job of
blogging anyway. I am hoping if I take
some time to deal with things around here, I will then be able to come back and
put more energy into blogging. I’m
definitely not leaving all my friends!
I’ll still be reading your blogs but I may not be commenting as often
for now. If any of you want to get hold
of me you are welcome to email to the address on my profile.
Thank you all for your wonderful friendships. You definitely improve my life by being in
it! 💗
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| We will be back! |
Hi Bonnie, I hope you get caught up and come back to blogging soon. My best to your husband and prayers for some help with his neuropathy. Long term Covid is very scary.
ReplyDeleteThank you Connie. Besides the neuropathy he is also dealing with a heart condition and diabetes. It was all well controlled until he got sick. I was hesitant to call it long term covid since he never had a covid test, but the doctors now say it is likely that. I know you understand that we just do what we have to do. I appreciate your prayers and I'll still be reading your wonderful blog!
DeleteI wrote and lost a long sympathetic comment! I had a lot of experience with Handsome partner's neuropathy. Email me if you want to chat. I won't give uninvited advice but I'll gladly answer anything I can help with. Meanwhile try to attend to your own needs too. Easier said than done. So sorry you're having to deal with his range of issues.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it aggravating to lose a whole comment! I've had that happen to me many times. Thank you so much for your understanding. I may just take you up on the invitation to email sometime because until now I never realized just how bad neuropathy can be. He can't even button his shirts himself now. Thanks again Boud!
DeleteBonnie, I've only known you for a year, but feel like we became good blog-friends. This broke my heart to read about Tom, I wish I knew what to say. He's very lucky he has you (and I'm sure you feel that way about him). You're not whining, you're just being honest with your readers and it's appreciated! Thank you for sharing, and I look forward to us hearing from you again soon. You guys are in our hearts & thoughts.
ReplyDeleteDoug, thank you and I feel like we've become good blog-friends as well. I will definitely still be following your blog! I hate to write a downer post and sound like I am complaining but I wanted to let my friends know that I didn't just disappear. I'll still be around and commenting on posts when I can. You take care Doug!
DeleteMy housemate had/has long covid, since before the vaccines. It is an ugly sickness. I wish you all the best in finding a solution.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your housemate. Yes, it is an ugly sickness. I like to think we will find a solution but nothing has helped so far. Tom has been through several lengthy physical therapy rounds and it never seems to help. I appreciate your understand Joanne, thank you.
DeleteI have a hard time with some changes, too, because I stubbornly think they will get better soon. I do hope you both are okay and you will be back to blogging soon. *love and hugs*
ReplyDeleteOh Rita, I know you have had to deal with so many changes and problems and I hate that for you! I have tried to stay positive like you do but I finally had to accept that some of these changes are probably here to stay. I'll still be around and reading blogs though I may not be able to comment as often. Thank you Rita! xxx
DeleteI am so, so sorry to hear about your husband's health concerns, Bonnie. It is hard to have a major change in health - hard physically, mentally, and emotionally. And it's not just difficult for the patient, but also for their loved ones, the ones supporting them.
ReplyDeleteI am curious as to whether Tom's doctor has considered ME/CFS (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) as a possibility instead of Long Covid. ME/CFS often follows an influenza-type illness and you had mentioned Tom tested positive for Influenza A. That is how my daughter's health condition began. She had what seemed to be a regular respiratory flu and then she just never fully recovered. This was shortly after she turned sixteen in 2002. In fact, the only good thing about Covid is that Long Covid has brought some attention to ME/CFS as they have a lot in common, and I am hopeful that research will benefit those like my daughter. Right now, the diagnosis would not matter much because there is so much unknown about either illness.
Regardless, again, I'm so sorry to hear this news and can only encourage you and Tom to try to enjoy the little things each day, and try not to stress about things that don't really matter. A blog break will take one thing off your "should" list and help to lighten the load. But remember we are always here if you need to talk about what you are going through. A person can't have too many friends, especially friends who will listen (read) no matter what time of day or night you post. Please take care of yourself as much as you possibly can. You need to stay well both for yourself and to be able to help your husband. Hugs, my friend. If you ever need to talk, I'm just an email away at newjennyo@gmail.com.
It is hard to deal with major life changes like this and that is why I have finally come to the realization that I have not been dealing as well as I could. I think I was expecting to wake up one day and it would all be like it was before Tom got sick. I hope to take care of a lot that's been put off and learn to get myself in a better state of mind.
ReplyDeleteThank you for telling me about ME/CFS. I have heard of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome but not the other. I will definitely ask the doctor about it. Part of Tom's problem is that this has worsened some health situations that were previously under better control. He has a heart condition and is diabetic in addition to the neuropathy and this seems to make it all much worse. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter having that and at such a young age too. I hope she is doing better.
Jenny thank you so much for all your kindness and understanding. You have been through so much yourself in the past couple of years. Friends do make a big difference and my blog friends mean a lot to me. Thank you for your friendship, help and support!
Bonnie, I should clarify that ME and CFS are just different names for the same illness. I believe ME was used in Europe and CFS in the Americas, but now ME/CFS is used in the Americas. Also, there is no test available for it. The diagnosis is made by excluding other illnesses that could cause the same symptoms. It's probably not possible to rule out Long Covid, as so much is still unknown about it.
DeleteBe patient with yourself; it takes a while to adjust to a new reality. Little steps are fine. And as Librarian says in her comment below, try to take all the help available to you, whether from public agencies, family, or friends. If you can afford private help, that's good too. It will make your life easier and reduce the stress you are experiencing. The stress will be physical, mental, and emotional, and if you can reduce your stress in any of those areas, it will help your ability to cope with the overall load. I feel like I'm overdoing the advice now, so I will stop :) I'll be thinking of you both.
Jenny thank you for clarifying that ME and CFS are the same. I did not realize that. You are certainly not overdoing anything! I appreciate all you are saying and it is helpful. I think part of what I need to learn to do is to better adjust to a new reality. Even though this has been ongoing for over two years I have not been accepting it as well as I should have by now. This is why I'm taking a blog break. I need to get a much better handle on things plus I do have a list of things I've been putting off that I need to get done. Thank you so much Jenny!
DeleteYes, family comes first. Sometimes family can be a challenge and a full time duty. I wish you all the best in this journey.
ReplyDeleteThank you Red, and I will be blogging again after I've taken care of things around here. I'll still be reading your blog too!
DeleteSo much of what you describe here echoes what happened to my Dad, Bonnie. He is (I believe) older than Tom and was a heavy smoker for decades, which made things worse for him, and of course every person is different - but a lot of it sounds so familiar: The heavy bout of influenza with everything going downhill after that.
ReplyDeleteJenny's suggestion of looking into the possibility of it being ME is very reasonable. My mother-in-law in England has ME, and it also is rather similar to what you describe about Tom.
Like you, my Mum has had to accept that her life now revolves around her husband, and it has not been (and still is not!) easy. One of the things she has not fully learned yet is to accept assistance. There are so many offers of services here but she won't even have a cleaner come in to help at least with that part of the work!
My sister and I do what we can, but we just can't do what our Mum does, being around our Dad 24/7.
Thank you very much for your openness, and for telling us about your situation instead of just disappearing. Take care, my friend.
Thank you Meike for your helpful and understanding comment! I'm sorry your Dad has had a similar problem. I know he has had many health problems for a long time now.
DeleteI understand your Mum having a hard time accepting the changes in her life. That is what I am working on now. A part of me kept thinking we would wake up one day and things would be better. I've finally realized that I need to make some changes so maybe we can both deal with life a little better now. I'm a little like your Mum when it comes to accepting assistance but I'll be working on that too.
Thank you again so much Meike!
Sorry to hear this Bonnie. Not a lot I can add to all the helpful comments except I hope you can both be happy with the adjustments you have to make and continue to live a happy life. As you know, I regard you as a close friend over there and you can email or write whenever you like. And I will continue to look out for your comments and know you are still active even if not writing your own posts, I always welcome your comments. xxx
ReplyDeleteRachel thank you for your kind thoughts and support. It means a lot to me. Please know I also see you as a good friend and I appreciate that friendship. Of course I will still be reading your blog and will comment when I can. I have had so much taking up my time recently that it has been hard for me to comment on blogs as much as I would like. I hope to get a lot taken care of so I can return to my blog with my life in better shape! Thank you again Rachel! xxx
DeleteTake as long as you need Bonnie. Uninvited changes are hard to deal with but we make adjustments as best we can. Sending love and positive thoughts to you and your family. x
ReplyDeleteSimone, you are always so kind and understanding! I've got to learn to do a better job making adjustments but I'm working on it. Thank you so much for your support! xx
DeleteDon't go far Bonnie - stay in touch if only now and then,
ReplyDeleteI'll still be around and reading blogs. I may not be able to comment every day but I will as much as I can. I value your friendship Pat and I love and appreciate your wonderful blog! Thank you for being you!
DeleteTake a break, we all need one every so often, come back refreshed and more like yourself. One always needs to look after themselves first.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Thanks Jackie. I hope you and your husband are doing well.
DeleteTake care, Bonnie. I have enjoyed blogging with you and hope you get things squared away like you need to. I also hope Tom can find some relief from his symptoms.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mr. Shife. I'll still be around reading blogs as I can. I just may not comment as often. I hope to be back blogging eventually after I get some things taken care of. You and your wonderful family take care!
DeleteTake good care, Bonnie, of both your own self and of Tom. Sometimes a reboot is necessary. I think I need one...every day lately. It's difficult to get excited over anything...other than remain under the bed covers these very chilly mornings!
ReplyDeleteAll the very best to you and Tom. :)
I don't know why blogger decided to post my comment "Anonymous". That is the first time it has ever happened to me. I wish changes weren't made when changes are not necessary..are not wanted!!!!
DeleteThank you Lee. You know, I think the past few years have done a number on most of us. Please take care of yourself and stay warm! I appreciate your good thoughts!
DeleteComments being posted as "Anonymous" have been happening to a lot of people lately. I don't know what Blogger is doing but they have sure been messing around with something because almost everyone has had some problems!
DeleteBonnie, I'm really sorry to hear about the extra stressors in your and Tom's lives. The reduction or loss of our (or our partner's) physical stamina is hard to deal with...sometimes it creeps up slowly, making it hard to recognize just what is changing or fully understand the impact. Other times, it may be a swift and devastating change. I applaud your decision to stop and assess your (and Tom's) situation and figure out how best to handle life as it is now. Decide whether or not you can get help/afford services that might be best for others to handle (i.e. yard service, home repairs). List a priority of tasks and, perhaps with the help of your family members, start delegating as much as possible. Or decide some things just have to fall off the list. For those of us who are stridently independent (who me/you?), this is not easy. I've just had ACL reconstruction in right knee (v. unusual given my age) and being dependent on family, though loving and helpful, but extremely busy themselves, for everything from meals to rides to PT/doctor, is teeth-gnashing. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful, but still...it isn't easy. First priority on you list: make sure you take care of yourself! Sending good thoughts to you and Tom with hopes that things will improve for both of you. Mary
ReplyDeleteMary I appreciate your comment so very much. I can tell you understand this situation. I very much appreciate your understanding and helpful suggestions. Yes, I am very independent and it is hard for me to ask for help. I am at least working out hiring someone to help with yard work which is a big thing.
DeleteI'm sorry to hear about your ACL reconstruction and I hope you have a quick and hopefully easy recovery. Thank you again Mary, understanding people like you helps me to not feel so alone in this. I will be back blogging eventually but just have to take care of priorities now.
Hey Bonnie! I can relate. Always room to keep growing and making things good for our health. I’m sorry to read about Tom’s struggles. Not fun. I don’t see this post as whining or complaining. You’re sharing a story with us and this kind of stuff is very good to share. You’re not alone with a sick husband. Lots of us relate to that story or a sick loved one and it taking a long time to figure it all out. And, things falling behind as we go. Sending you big huggs and well wishes, Ivy.
ReplyDelete